Olive Had A Ball!

The 15th annual Paws in the Park was a huge success. Johnny, Olive, Stephanie, Tilly and I enjoyed the spring-like weather this Valentines's Day and had a lot of fun letting the "girls" socialize. ! We are so proud of all of the pets who donated their time to the SPCA. Not to sound like too proud of a poppa, but Miss Olive was the top fundraiser for the DAK Pack this year! We would like to thank everyone for their contributions to her event. She lives for this each year, and we love to see her so happy!!! Hopefully the money raised will help those less fortunate in these uncertain times. !

I Coachose Wisely

Ok, so I know it looks like a lot....but I honestly had a hard time picking out bands to see this April at Coachella. The best thing about Coachella is discovering new bands and making happy discoveries...and yes, there were a few that I was curious about but didn't lock in.
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The Coachooser is infamous for being highly un-helpful but I thought that I would give it a go anyway (this year they promise to download your Coachooser set into the set times when they are posted...we'll see). So if you happen to be going to the Mojave this year, you might just find me there!
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The Waiting is Over!

It might be raining here, but there is a bright spot emanating from the desert. The 2009 Coachella lineup has finally arrived! More than it just being about the music, Coachella represents a spiritual and necessary journey for me.
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Heck, I am too happy right now to even start picking apart the lineup. So wherever you are, whoever you are, you can unclench and know that all is right with the world.
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Coachella Jitters

Why, oh why does this blasted tension hold so much over me!

Golden Girls House

If you are like me, the legend of Bigfoot, Area 51, and that mysterious Twinkie filling holds no weight against the mystery of the Golden Girls house.
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This is my very poor attempt to "fix" some of the implausible scenarios that the Golden Girls series left us with. How do the girls get to the garage through the kitchen when it is obvious that they are on opposite ends of the house? Is Rose's room in the fifth dimension? Just where was that gigantic blue bathroom anyway?
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I know that we will never have a true understanding of how the house was laid out, but if you can believe that Enrique Mas and Pepe the boxer were two different people (played by the same actor), then I suppose you could plausibly believe this as their sprawling ranch style at 6151 Richmond Street, Miami, Florida

Dear Santa: I am In Hell

Dear Santa,
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I'm pissed off. Living in Florida is starting to make me feel all Grinch-like. True, the sunshine state lives up to it's moniker and provides us with a heaping helping of Vitamin D each and every blessed day, and also true that everything is pretty much raining palm trees and flamingo snatch. Now, I know that most people would give their last ounce of Metamucil to live in sunny Florida...but I am not most people.
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"Ooooooooooh, it's too cold. Brrrrrrr, I hate having to put on a shawl! Gah! My peanut brittle is...brittle!"
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Really? Let me tell you what I detest. I resent the fact that my Christmas will consist of 80 degree weather and pancake pits. A sunburn to guide your sleigh Santa? Yes, the weather forecast has us once again dreaming of a white Christmas. Unfortunately, the only white Christmas that we might achieve will resemble cocaine on some dead hookers rump. The analogy is of course that Florida is a den of sin...check into it!.
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One of my fondest childhood memories involves peering out of my parents Oldsmobile on the way to Grandma's house on Christmas eve and seeing quaint little farmhouses in the distance. Blankets of snow glistened under illuminating allure coming from the soft yellow light of their living rooms. I would press my face to the car window as we pass by; my cheek would almost vibrate against the cold glass in contrast to the warmth that the people, cozy inside of their homes, must have felt.
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There is a house across the street from me here in Orlando decorated to the hilt in honor of our dear Savior's birth (Jesus loves dancing lights!) but alas...as I once again press my face to the glass, dipping into that bit of nostalgia, I scorch my forehead as I am reminded that a Florida winter exists only in snow globes.
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A Little Soft Shoe In Our Stockings!

Happy Holidays! You're the Bee's Knees!
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From BetaMike, JBA and Olive Louise Jenkins Smith

You're A Genius Charlie Brown!

Could there be any other Christmas special more endearing, timeless and heart-warming than "A Charlie Brown Christmas?" I can't bring myself to make one snarky or disparaging remark about this classic Christmas special. Not even about the choppy. broken. halting. dialogue that must have come from hours of coercing those child actors with Necco Wafers and the promise of polyester jumpers. Okay, so maybe one snarky comment.
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Just seeing the little forest of angular brightly colored trees and the watercolor soaked joy of those backgrounds makes me melt away as if I had been dipped in some magic inkwell. There is, however, one very special moment in this film (twice to be precise), that is my favorite of all.
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The Christmas play rehearsal. I think you know where I am going with this. Eight totally cool kids dancing without abandon to the funky beat of their own drummer. There's the girl who continually looks at her right hand, then her left hand, then her right hand (WTF!). The boy in green doing the "Sleep Walk," and of course the happy bobsie twins! My favorite though is the little guy in the orange shirt. Best. Dancer. Ever. Charlie. Brown.
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It's hard to imagine just what kind of environment those United Features Syndicate animators were working in back then, or what they were thinking exactly; but for 43 years, they have kept the Christmas spirit alive for millions of little kids across the globe...and for yours truly, a stocking stuffed with slick dance moves.
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Rankin Bass Bigotry

So I guess I forgot that today was December the "somethingth" and almost freaked out when I saw that "A Christmas Story" was on television (not yet in its 24 hour marathon form) as well as that good ol' harbinger of the holidays "Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer."
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I had a very hard time deciding which of these two classics would be elected to distract me from my Yuletide domestic errands around the house. The timeless-because-its-intentionally-dated "Christmas Story" or the dated-because-it's-dated "Rudolph?"
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I figured that I would have a better chance of actually getting a Red Ryder BB Gun than missing an opportunity to see Ralphie, the Bumpus dogs and Scott Farkis sometime in the near future, so I instead stayed transfixed on the felt wonderland that is Rudolph.
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I can still remember the night that this special would always come on. It would be the exact day that we were rummaging through our waxed boxes of ornaments. For me tonight, seeing Rudolph again was more about the phantom smells and sounds around my subconscious 7 year old self than it was the spectacle of seeing stop-motion animation. Immediately I could imagine mom making dinner in the kitchen and the aroma of Christmas candles giving up their sweet stale aroma after their year long nap in the attic.
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But this trip down memory lane was a regressive therapy session in yet another way. I soon remembered how much I secretly despised this show and how it somehow shaped the world view that I currently hold. Before we all get off on our soap boxes, I will state that I honestly do love this television special for the message of acceptance that it ultimately gives....at the end....after scaring the bejeezes out of me.
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I'm not sure where I first noticed it. It could have been when Hermey the Misfit elf was practically ostrasized for being "different" (cue Bronski Beat's "Smalltown Boy") or it could have been the way Rudolph was treated while playing reindeer games. From the get-go I always cringed at the way these creatures were treated. Partly because I guess I always knew that I was "different" too and that I would someday have to put up with stupid bullies the way that these two did.
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Was I going to find solace by knowing that there was a near-Siberian island full of people just like me? Hell no! Even I would have no business cavorting around with a train with square wheels dammit! No, I sort of understood all of the reindeers and elves giving Hermey and Rudolph the cold shoulder because, heck, that is just the environment in which they were raised.
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It was the scene in which Santa himself comes by and tells Donner (how gets selected as Rudolph's father, I'll never know) that he is ashamed of Rudolph's deformity and goes as far as giving Rudolph a tongue lashing himself. Is this the leadership that they need up at the North pole? Of course Santa eats a little crow at the end of the film but mostly because poor indentured Rudolph bails his ass out during the snow storm to help save Christmas. If it weren't for freaks like Rudolph, Hermey and Bumble, I am not sure that could sit here in my house and stay transfixed on the screen wondering how those felt eyelids actually would feel if I pressed my fingers against them.
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Obama Promised A Puppy!

Please let it be a Boston!

Yes We Did!!!!

Two Reasons To Smile This Year

Keep Thee Quiet!!!

Things That Keep Me Awake At Night

It's almost Halloween and I thought I would share the two most frightening things (besides Sarah Palin) that haunt me in my sleep. If this was played to the tune of Subway's $5 footlong sub song, my nightmare would be complete.

Winter of the Witch

Last night was the great Coachie Pumpkin carving event at Kreepy Kelis' house. I carved mine to make a permanent carousel face of course.
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Later, we feasted on roasted pumpkin seeds that the gourds willfully gave up, Frankenberry treats, Milky Way cake, cupcakes and candy corn soda...all before settling in to watch the horribly fabulous Paul Lynde Halloween Special and something from Kelis' grade school years called "The Winter of the Witch." The latter is supplied here in its entirety for you to marvel at.

Betty White: McCain's Speech Writer

Technology Is Cheap...And So Is Graffiti

I mean no ill will to those who grew up plastering their notebooks with stickers and writing their name in "dot letters," but there's a time a place for such cutesy dribble...Flickr and the social media world is not one of them.
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Just when I feel like the love affair is back on for social networking and blogging sites (after a particularly ugly divorce from my ex-wife MySpace), along comes drivel like this popping up like a zit on my Flickr account .


While I respect your savvy use of copy and paste, please do not EVER comment on my photos with something as horrid as this. Las Vegas is 2,400 miles from here, keep the glitz on the strip please.
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(Okay, the little bee is pretty damn cute)
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The Blog That Ate Orlando <3

blogorlando3
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Just when you thought Orlando couldn't get any more backwards, along comes the third blogorlando. Okay, before you spin this the wrong way, I mean it in a positive manner. I spent the entire day with eager, like-minded individuals exploring the vastly expanding universe of social networking, blogging and entrepreneurialism.
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As much as I like to think of myself "at ease" with the world of blogging, I quickly found that there is more to learn....much, much, more to learn. Below are a few of my observations. Set comments to "SNARKY"
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Photojournalism
This class was basically about Editorial vs. Commercial photography in blogging. Many questions were asked and it appears there is a particular interest in finding out if something can come back to bite you after you post a picture online. I am thinking that the majority of the people in here post Pr0n. Let's be honest, how do you shoot up-skirt and make it legit?
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Based on the many nervously asked questions, we should see structure and legitimacy around BloggingHotties.com before long.
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WOM and Social Media
This is one of those classes where much of the session sounded complex but then you later realized how profoundly amazing the rhetoric sounds. In defense of the facilitator Spike Jones (no, not that one), he is pretty dynamic! I learned that 92% of word of mouth (WOM) comes from around the water cooler and only 8% comes from social networking, as hard as we all try to reverse that.
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He also talked about how companies are trying to become more transparent. Think well-placed viral videos that make it appear that the brand has been hacked and set free "by the people." But really, it should be less about transparency and more about transference. The analogy here is: If your building has transparent windows, it will still kill a bird when it flies into it. Wouldn't you rather get rid of the walls all together and achieve true transference, or sharing of brand, culture and information from client, to company, to serve a higher purpose? I agree completely.
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Let me also just say something else. Almost EVERY tech geek (and there are m.a.n.y) have wedding bands on. The percentages are mind-boggling. I'm thinking there's either money in the bank or extra RAM under the hood. Just saying.
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Towers and Tarmacs
Benet Wilson was the best thing at the blogorlando unconference. Picture if Frangela had a third sister and you would essentially have Benet. Her story was inspiring. Somone like me who began personal blogging about 4 years ago and is now speaking at conferences about leveraging social networks....well, except that I am not speaking anywhere near a conference. Nor do I have as much sass and class. Amen.
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Benet is a hoot and a lot of fun to listen to. It gives me great hope to realize that someone can embrace technology and not talk down or above everyone. Not only that, but I noticed that she was Tweeting on Twitter and I'm betting those are some sassy Tweets!
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Interestingly, Benet's role in blogging for Aviation Daily pertains to one of the oldest media sources out there (1939 in fact) to embrace technology. I am now scanning the room for people from the "oldest profession" trying to hone their blogging skills.
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Internal Training
Honestly, the entire session could have been in Klingon. There was some joke about Kryptonian Law that exactly five people pissed their britches over and the rest was Wah Wah Wah Wah. I felt as though I was in a Peanuts cartoon.
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There are Tweets going off like crazy in the room. I think the lady next to me is Tweeting her grocery list to her husband while she is in here.
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Flickr!
Finally! A class that I can sit comfortably in and not have that waking late-for-class-in-my-undies dream. Actually, I could clep out of this bitch, but I would really like to sit and listen to what Josh Hallett has to say. Plus, I am having a real meta moment logging onto his Flickr page as he is broadcasting it on the screen. I feel leaving a little smiley note on one of his pics to see if it shows up on the projector.
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Overall, the blogorlando3 unconference (I think I am supposed to keep calling it an unconference) was a lot of fun, and I did learn quite a bit.
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If I had to sum up the afternoon in just a few words:
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• There are some really hawt tech geeks, albeit married, roaming the blogosphere.
• The ratio of PC to Mac for "those in the know" is surprisingly light on the Justin Long side.
• College was never this cool.

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Hammy Birthday JohnnyBerry™!!

If 40 is the new 20, then Ham is the new mid-life crisis! This year marks the 40th anniversary of JohnnyBerry™ and for a true Southern gentlemen such as himself, nothing would have worked but an old fashioned church supper of ham, ham, and more ham!!!
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Behind his back, and with the support and help of his friends, we cooked up a Hamtastic idea to make this event a pot luck where everyone who was invited would make their very own ham creation.
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There was ham and cheese ala Kelis, Sashook's sassy bacon mushroom caps, Flipflop's D-town ham wheel, Crit's creamy ham pinwheels, and Gashapon's ultra tasty Bacon Maple cupcakes! Too good!
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To the piece-de-resistance was a cake from Sprinkles Custom Cakes made in the shape of an actual ham complete with cross-hatching, cloves, pineapple ring, and cherry on top!!!
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For more of the festivities, go over to my Flickr page!
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LL Cool J + Sears = 1 Day Til The Rapture!

Ladies Love Cool J, but will the yout of Amurica? Cultural relevance puts this idea right up there with Jacqueline Smith.

Cold War Baby! Cold War!