Tuesday, March 15, 2005

American Idol Recap 03/15/05 - The First Big One

The First Big One

After rushing to get all my chores done in time on Monday night to catch American Idol, I find out it's not on! I suddenly realize what a slave to this show I am. For the love of Mario!

Speaking of Mario, what a shocking twist this is. Dropping out of a show that by all rights was his to lose, to steal a quote from Simon. This smacks of Frenchie!

Fans apparently have been burning up the IdolonFox web boards brooding over the reasons Mario decided to leave the show:

"My gut and intuition told me it wasn't time to do this," Vazquez told The Associated Press. "I had to focus on some personal areas in my life with the little bit of privacy that I have." - (thanks to ABC News)
Skeletons in the closet it sounds like to me. Hmmmmmmm. Okay, sorry, that's not fair to the guy. So you think skeletons?! Huh Huh Huh?!!!!

All this rumor mill talk got me thinking so I decided to check out the idolonfox website to see what else is simmering under the plasticy electronically enhanced skin of America's favorite reality show. For starters there is an interview with last years unjustly kicked off (you know I'm kidding), coffee pot eyed Jon Peter Lewis!! From his bedroom!!! The interview is from an online talk show hosted by Michael Krogman (yeah, I don't know who he is either). For those interested Jon is doing well, thanks for asking. Still recording a yet-to-be-named album and basically bumming around L.A.. Krogman took a listen to the new album and this is what he had to say "Is that you? Are you kidding me? That's good." Seriously folks. Jon still has skills when it comes to creepy blank stares and would love to know your address.

Fearing no shame, I then ventured to the Idol Community Boards. I totally get why I am afraid to tell people that I watch this show. Freeeeeaks. I found a very serious forum entitled "Can you like Bo and Constantine?" Seriously, can you? Also there was a great science experiment going on entitled "Who would win if each person on here could vote no more than 3 times?" Apparently if this were the case (and the future way of voting for Governmental officials) Constantine would win....by a landslide. Constantine people..Constantine!!! One particularly juicy thread claims that the reason Mario left the show is that Nikko actually received more votes last week but because the votes were counted in Florida, Mario ended up staying in the show. When the judges found out about this, they let Mario say it was "his choice" that he left the show. The person who created this thread was electronically stoned after posting.

Tuesday Night - 60's Night!

The night gets rolling with a behind the screen shot of Ryan walking on stage. Did you see how many TV's it takes to make up that video screen behind them?! Good grief...drink lots more Coke! With lime!

Ryan points out to us that there is a longer platform "Ooooh" and a bigger band "Oooooh....wait, did he mean the people in the band?" For those in the audience who are Kimmi Ault-less Ryan lays it on us that Mario is gone. I was curious how long Ryan would make the sad face so I brought my stopwatch. It doesn't count nano-seconds.

Off we go into 60's night. Sigh. I know there are many of you that remember this time period and look with fondness towards it but must it be included every year? Yes I am bitter as there is, and probably will never, be an 80's night. I guess musically speaking it has influence on our culture but I find it rather bland, case in point, tonight's show.

To get things rolling we get to hear the Judges' darling Jessica Sierra sing "Better Shop Around." She chooses this song because it will show off her voice which is really husky when she talks. I never noticed that before. Maybe it is because she still seems to have come out of nowhere (that's right around Tampa). Pretty okay job. I give her credit for being the first out of the gate, what with the plethora of people that the new theater holds. The backgrounds on the video wall were just horrendous. Randy says its okay, Paula uses Jedi mind tricks and says she digs her vocals making us forget that she didn't give a real comment and Simon says it was boring and uninspired. It's regurgitated 60's!!!

Ryan's side of the stage is sporting the mini dress-unfriendly toilet seats again for post interview counseling. "Pull up a stool" Ryan says after Jessica's performance. Ha! He said stool...stool indeed.

Up next is Anwar Robinson. Anwar is just precious. He never disappoints but he is dressed like a gentlemanly vampire circa turn of the century. Now I KNOW that Mr.. school teacher didn't already have that in his closet. He sings "A House is Not a Home" which I swear was sung two years ago by Clay. Then again, it just seems like Clay would have sang it at one point or another. Man, I wish I was at that party! Randy gets the first boos of the season when he tells Anwar that he expected tonight to be a bit more poppin'. Paula uses the force again and just says that his voice is flawless. Thanks Paula...he's made a career on it already, sheesh! And Simon says it was good enough but would like to see him do something more fun. Or is it funner?

Mikalah Gordon comes out looking stunning but with someone else's face. I'm pretty sure that was her stomach though. She sings "Son of a Preacher Man" and says that she is down with getting calls from any son's of preacher men. Yes! The fun Mikalah is back y'all! Her song is shorter than everyone else's. I am assuming test studies have shown that Mikalah can only be taken in small doses. She does a good enough job. Randy is drinking Coke with bitters and says it was rough, Paula-Wan Ken obi says she is back to the old Mikalah. Simon says her confidence has exceeded her abilities. Second boos of the evening for Simon. Ah but he uses our boos against us and says that they aren't very loud so the audience must agree with him. Score one Jedi mind trick for Simon. Ouch! In retaliation, and to beg our forgiveness, Mikalah says that "The audience looks fabulous" very much through her nose. I expect full Fran Drescher conversion next show. Shot of her mom in the audience praying that Mikalah doesn't forget that she promised her new boobs during auditions.

Constantine Maroulisssss sings "You Made Me So Very Happy" I think this is the first we have heard him sing something so pop oriented. I tell you, he doesn't do half bad. He looks very David Cassidy at certain points and has that 60's happy vibe going on. I give him the award of "most themed" for song choice and performance. I could do without the ripped jeans. The rips were vertical dudes, like how does that happen!!! The audience sports a spiffy "rockers rule" sign. Randy and Paula say something forgettable. Simon comes on to Chris by saying that if this were Smoldering Idol he would win. (Smoldering Idol are copyright and sole property of Fox Television).

The animated corpse of Julia D'amato, Lindsey Cardinale slouches up to sing "Knock on Wood." I was really trying to focus on her performance but it really was just so-so. Randy goes for the put down and Paula gets the assist by saying "How do you think you did" Man, that's gotta hurt! Shots of her friends and family. Is there a Lindsey machine in out there or what? Lindsey, your seat next to Carmen Rasmussen is ready.
You gotta know that the pressure is on for our friend Anthony Federov. I mean, the man has overcome adversity in his life. He has full control over his voice after a tracheotomy, he is from the Ukraine and has managed to have nice teeth..and now he is about to defend his title of the guys judges darling lest the "I'm the next Clay" shirt be taken away from him. Anthony sings "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" because he connects with it spiritually....what? How about you picked it because Neal Sedaka was a host last year brown nose. You just want to be so Ear Delicious! Of which unfortunately we don't get the opportunity to say this week as Randy goes all Simon and says that he could hear that in any Lounge (it really does sound better coming from Simon, dawg). Paula's stopper comes unplugged and actually digs on his performance. Hopefully Anthony will be better next week. By the way, he is dressed as though he was about to go in for his tech shift at PI. See ya at Motions!

Nadia Turner. Let me just say that she was glorious tonight. Is it just me or is she just too good for this show? I mean that in a good way. Put my sister on America's Next Top Model and we'll talk. A triple threat although I am considering stage moves dancing in this case. "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" Oh but I do Nadia, I do! My DVR got a work out during this performance, I had to let the system cool down a little, this was hot! After a while Nadia is like "Okay, this is wrapped up, let me give the camera a little how 'ya doin'" and it works! Her performance has the right amount of style and drama, get this girl booked at the Footlight Theater over at P! To make this just the perfect performance of the night, and the most surreal, Simon says "In a competition full of hamburgers, you are a steak!" Thanks Simon. That's just Ear Delicious!!!

Only 5 more performers to go! Yippee!

BOBICE! is up next with a rendition of "Spinning Wheel" Bo says he chose this song because he and his band used to perform it. At first I wasn't sure if this was a good idea. At first I wasn't sure if keeping Bo in the competition was a good idea. Both ideas seem to have worked themselves out tonight. Lots of spirit, lots of action, LEATHER PANTS!!!!! This is also our first foray out into the audience. Hey Bo, where you going with that mic stand? The background turns all industrial with lots of black and white. Good use of the stage though, he ends at the very back up against the video wall where the gyrating girls used to go when he and his band played. Great reviews. Simon actually is caught clapping on camera. There is a sign in the audience that says "go Bo!" Yes indeed. Simon being all not-prophetic says that it looks like he has been doing this for 20 years. Bo looks like "umm, yeah." The response to his performance is great. I would imagine that this is exactly what Bo was fantasizing about all those years ago on stage at Jungle Jim's and proving his parents wrooooong! Tonight you have to like Bo more than Constantine.

Next is the beguiling Vonzall Williams singing "Anyone Who Had a Heart." I don't know this song but I love the dress. Judges, judges, judges...yadda yadda. Next!

Pig Boy Scott Savol squints at us introducing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg", Yes, we know Scott. What was up with his eye?! Scott sounds great but looks funky as always. I feel that it is one of the better performances of the evening. Scott scares many people in the front row by heading off-stage and still manages to sounds good. Were those Marines in full blues in the front row?!! Please don't go back out there Scott. Judges are kind of French vanilla on the whole Scott performance. Not in danger. Ryan promises us Nikko Smith after the break.

Commercial. Coke's new commercial for Coca-Cola with Lime. Their tag line is Coca-Cola with Lime - it's lime flavored Coke! Seriously, I kid you not!!!

Back from the break. Jedi mind trick alert!!! No Nikko as promised but instead, the lovely Carrie Underwood performing "When Will I Be Loved." Carrie is all decked out from the waist up in a spot on Solid Gold-inspired loose neck blouse with a sparkling gold scarf. I was immediately 6 years old back on my parent's yellow and orange pile carpet, indian-style in front of the TV. Ahhhh. Then the camera moves down a little and she has jeans on. Yuck! The song is good, the voice is great. I agree not the best I have heard her but at least she keeps it a little country. Randy dawgs it a little, Paula actually says something to the effect that it is safe and boring. Yeah, well your hair pulled all to one side looks silly Paula. Nyaaah! Simon reverses the cosmic flow and tells Carrie that she is the most original and true of all the performers.

Finally, what you've all been waiting for...Nikko Smith! Nikko chose "I Want You Back" which is surely a typo for the song "I Want Back in the Competition." In addition to the award for most hyped performance of the evening. Nikko gets the award for Most pop cultural-based people tributes in one performance. We start with a tip of the hat, pun intended, to the late Mario Vazquez as Nikko is wearing a hat just off to the side (yes, I am aware that Nikko has always worn a hat...it helps the joke) also as this is Michael Jackson week on Court TV and he has chosen a Jackson song, Nikko disposes of the hat by tossing it Jacko style off-stage. Finally and most tribute-y, Nikko slides Travis Tucker style while imitating Travis's don't-do-this-while-singing jerky voice. I found it funny that one of the most recognizable lyrics from this song is "Oh baby give me one more chance!" The final little move Nikko did was pretty cool and in time with the music and I'm sure that he didn't have as much time to prepare as the rest of the kids. Bowing to hype, Paula and Randy say he scored one for the Gipper (not really) and Simon sips his lime flavored Coke and comes up all lemons telling us he didn't like it. Ending it with the universe back in cosmic alignment.

That's it kidlets! I have a Town Hall tomorrow night so I'm gonna DVR the eliminations but be sure that I'll be watching and emailing as soon as I get home. Thank Mario for Citrix!!!


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