Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Ghetto Coloring Books

Slap your momma if she ever came home with any of these gems. Surely you've seen these undesired coloring books on the far end of the children's book aisle at Wal-Mart or in Craft or teacher supply stores. If you have too much imagination or not enough, there is something here for everyone, but most of these aren't worthy of my box of speical neon Crayolas.
my deepest apologies and respect to the individuals peddling these books on their respective websites. What makes this world great is artistic freedom and the right to capitalism. It is also my right to scribble nasty things in magenta across your pages!

This was most likely popular just after "The Cutting Edge" came out in 1992 and quite possibly for a brief time two years later when figure skating became a contact sport. The legs are overly shadowed and the color palette in unappealing; plus without a background, it appears he is laying down with her straddling him...and you know that ain't what's happening!

Oh my God! There is a page for every state and I just had to feature my bestest, most favorite one. Each state's page is just as action-packed as the one pictured here! I think I would be bored within the first five minutes and try to jab my eyes out in Oklahoma with a Burn Sienna crayon.

I have no idea what Zelda was trying to do with this book. I think this is what happens when radicals from the Sixties mellow out and try to salvage what is left of their "artistic" ability outside of designing flyers for Timothy Leary. Zelda seems like a sweet lady and I'm sure she means well but please....explain what the hell is going on here!
Ahhh, the sea of transpondence is reaching into the physical plane and toching my chi. nice! I'm sure the third graders will get this!
I see a vagina! This other drawing reminds me of those games on the back of an old Pizza Hut placemat.

Ridin' the bat. Scratch Off Lotto....on the bus!!!!

Suzie is running away from home. She only has fifty cents, hope it takes her to at least a good part of town. Bobby and Angela are from the upper middle class. Bobby and Angela are making fun of poor people. Bobby and Angela are going to get jumped on 5th Ave.

I'll just break the window with this brick! Crazy Crew are wack...West Side represent! Damn, one quarter shy, now how's mommy gonna get enough Kool-Aid to color her hair!

Kids, please...if you are in this much need for a coloring book, seek help!

Every kids worst nightmare...religious coloring books.

These are the Karate Angels. Some website's attempt at combining the waaaay past fad of martial arts and super powers with teen wholesome goodness. They're trying to push something on you over at karateangels.com but I'm not sure what it is. Something about Maria lifting that hog over her head though..rarrrr!

Hands down the best coloring book online. This guy has everything! John Lennon, a giant tree...JESUS! Actually, Jesus and a fairy!!!! Where else will you see Gandhi, MLK, an aztec god and Mother Theresa all in one shot? Brilliant! Oh, plus Hodge the badger. Sweet!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OH MY GAWD!!!! I have laughed until milk shot out my nose (at least I think it's milk.) TOO FUNNY Michael!!!