Santa Claus The Movie
Puce Pops for Christmas!
All of the nostalgic TV shows are wafting through the air right now like so much peppermint gingerbread foo foo twinkle and among all of these crusty ditties, I just happened to catch my absolute favorite Christmas movie of all time: Santa Claus the Movie. Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say "The Year Without A Santa Claus" because it just wouldn't be retro without a nod to the coolest/hottest holiday icons around; the Cold Miser and Heat Miser, right?! Well, consider them mentioned but my loyalty still lies in this little-remembered film from 1985. Like most movies that came out around this time, it was a farcical grandiose romp that when you look back on it now, seems a wee bit, umm, silly. But it had heart and special effects and felt EPIC when I saw it for the first time in the theater. It was big in the sort of way that non-seasonal contemporary films like The Neverending Story or Labyrinth were at that time and stuck with me just as much as they did. This was a film I would watch long after the Christmas season was over with. It was also with this film that I learned of the existence of one of my least favorite words, the horrid "puce."!
About the movie: Santa Claus the Movie was one of the first times that you got to see an honest-to-goodness take on the story of Santa Claus (thus the title) and the whole inner workings of the North Pole. Where did Santa Claus come from? How did he get to the North Pole? How does he slip down those chimneys? How do the reindeer fly? All that sound a little dull? Not if it's directed by Alexander and Ilya Salkind of Superman fame! These reindeer really
do fly! The film introduces us to Claus (David Huddleston), a simple woodcarver, and his wife Anya (Daisy from "Keeping Up Appearances") visiting a nearby village where they delight the children with wooden toys that they had made to celebrate Christ's birth; just in case everyone doesn't remember why we ask for iPods and Plasma Screen TVs in December, okay!? The spirit of the season is alive and heartfelt indeed. Claus and Anya are on their way home when they are caught in a violent blizzard that seemingly freezes them and their reindeer, Donner and Blitzen, to death. Sad!!! They later awaken to find themselves at the North Pole under the care of the elves (here called Vendequm) who tell Claus and Anya that they have been brought there to spend eternity making toys for the children of the world. I
guess word gets around and when you're good at something, you're gooood. We are then introduced to Patch (played by Dudley Moore) who guides Santa through the basic layout and philosophy of what the elves do at the North Pole. We are introduced to the "other" reindeer and see Santa suit up for the first time during the celebration called "Season's Greetings" when the North Star lights up the Elve Compound. Santa is told by The Ancient One (Burgess Meredith y'all!!!) that Claus and Anya represent the fulfillment of a prophecy that a "Chosen One" would be brought into the Elves' world who, "having no child of his own, would love all children everywhere, and that he himself would be an artisan, and a craftsman, and a skilled maker of toys." He then bestows to him the name "Santa Claus" and just like something out of Superman, the build up pays off and Santa soars into the sky that first time centuries ago. !
Of course the film then juts into some serious commercialism when it lands smack dab in the middle of the me me ME 1980's which I think is what makes it sparkle to. McDonald's and 
Coke proudly and shamelessly displayed; being swilled by the late night shoppers of New York City (a most magical place at Christmas time) all doing the holidays as only Americans can - by ignoring those truly in need and less fortunate. The film gets its heart by introducing us to two relatable side characters. First up is Joe, the rough and tumble orphan who lives on the streets of New York City and who is first spotted in the alley just below privileged little Cornelia's bedroom window, our second main side character. Cornelia is the cutest little brace face that you have ever seen and she yearns to be free of the rigid "fake" life that she has inherited. On the other side of the fence, Joe's down in the dumps persona is the perfect Tracy to sweet Cornelia's Hepburn. Okay, maybe not so severe an analogy as that but when I was younger, I thought they were great! The other storyline running through the movie revolves around Santa's trusted elf Patch who, being a little too innovative, creates a machine that goes haywire at the North Pole and makes shoddy toys which break upon playing with them. Dejected and feeling he must prove himself to Santa, Patch flees the North Pole only to be discovered by B.Z. (played deliciously by John Lithgow) who is looking to make a quick fortune by utilizing Patch's North Pole secrets to produce (shudder) Puce 
Pops! These fabulous candy canes give flight temporarily to all who eat them, mainly due to the fact that they are made with reindeer chow or something like that, thus the ability for the reindeer to fly. I always thought the grain they gave to the reindeers was neat because it sparkled and made a crackling sound. They were going to call the substance they created "Puce Juice" but that just sounds too horrible to mention so they contrived that they formula could be poured into Candy Cane molds and be rushed out for the holiday season. The Puce Pops create such a sensation around the world that people tune out Santa in favor of the new purple-ish brown candy. Imagine the Cabbage Patch craze or better yet, the pandemonium caused by a certain golden ticket associated with another type of candy.
Coke proudly and shamelessly displayed; being swilled by the late night shoppers of New York City (a most magical place at Christmas time) all doing the holidays as only Americans can - by ignoring those truly in need and less fortunate. The film gets its heart by introducing us to two relatable side characters. First up is Joe, the rough and tumble orphan who lives on the streets of New York City and who is first spotted in the alley just below privileged little Cornelia's bedroom window, our second main side character. Cornelia is the cutest little brace face that you have ever seen and she yearns to be free of the rigid "fake" life that she has inherited. On the other side of the fence, Joe's down in the dumps persona is the perfect Tracy to sweet Cornelia's Hepburn. Okay, maybe not so severe an analogy as that but when I was younger, I thought they were great! The other storyline running through the movie revolves around Santa's trusted elf Patch who, being a little too innovative, creates a machine that goes haywire at the North Pole and makes shoddy toys which break upon playing with them. Dejected and feeling he must prove himself to Santa, Patch flees the North Pole only to be discovered by B.Z. (played deliciously by John Lithgow) who is looking to make a quick fortune by utilizing Patch's North Pole secrets to produce (shudder) Puce 
Pops! These fabulous candy canes give flight temporarily to all who eat them, mainly due to the fact that they are made with reindeer chow or something like that, thus the ability for the reindeer to fly. I always thought the grain they gave to the reindeers was neat because it sparkled and made a crackling sound. They were going to call the substance they created "Puce Juice" but that just sounds too horrible to mention so they contrived that they formula could be poured into Candy Cane molds and be rushed out for the holiday season. The Puce Pops create such a sensation around the world that people tune out Santa in favor of the new purple-ish brown candy. Imagine the Cabbage Patch craze or better yet, the pandemonium caused by a certain golden ticket associated with another type of candy.!
All the while, Joe and "Corny" have become fast friends and during a very innocent session of playing doctor at Cornelia's house (seriously, Joe had a fever) they overhear B.Z.'s plan to take over Christmas. Oh, did I mention that B.Z. is Cornelia's step father?! Mwaaahahahaha. 
Anyway, about this time, Santa is having doubts of his ability to go on with Christmas as we know it. Which I find very interesting because this movie covers it all, romance, action, adventure, sci-fi (just kidding, Santa is real) and it seems to even get into "The Year Without A Santa Claus" territory which is okay because we have seen him from inception through the modern age in this movie so why not show how society today has made Santa doubt that even he exists. And besides, even if it steals a little from one film or another, just about every Christmas movie to come along since owes its debt to "Santa Clause The Movie" in one way or another. Okay, mostly I am speaking of "The Santa Clause" here. So anyway, Joe is discovered listening in to B.Z.'s plot and is kidnapped and taken to the factory where Patch is pretty much kept as slave labor.
Anyway, about this time, Santa is having doubts of his ability to go on with Christmas as we know it. Which I find very interesting because this movie covers it all, romance, action, adventure, sci-fi (just kidding, Santa is real) and it seems to even get into "The Year Without A Santa Claus" territory which is okay because we have seen him from inception through the modern age in this movie so why not show how society today has made Santa doubt that even he exists. And besides, even if it steals a little from one film or another, just about every Christmas movie to come along since owes its debt to "Santa Clause The Movie" in one way or another. Okay, mostly I am speaking of "The Santa Clause" here. So anyway, Joe is discovered listening in to B.Z.'s plot and is kidnapped and taken to the factory where Patch is pretty much kept as slave labor. !
Plot point #2: the candy canes are found out to be volatile if exposed to heat so B.Z. sets Patch up to take the heat for the inevitable downfall. Corny meanwhile writes to Santa about the whole 
mess which gives him a sense of purpose and meaning "We need you Santa!" and he rushes off to rescue Joe, Patch, Puce Pops and Christmas. Patch and Joe meanwhile gear up the Patchmobile to start their Christmas delivery of Puce Pops to all the putrid boys and girls of the world. Unbeknownst to them is the true nature of the candy which is of course stored in the back of the Patchmobile where the combustible engine is. Nice. Santa finally catches up with the rocket sled and pulls off the Super Duper Looper (I kid you not), a trick the reindeer have been trying but had never perfected yet, to catch Patch and Joe just as the Patchmobile explodes. Christmas is saved, B.Z. is floating off into space due to the fact that he ate 20 Puce Pops to elude the police, and the kids are taken in at the North Pole by Santa and Mrs. Claus because they are well, you know, just good kids and somewhat orphaned now. I guess.
mess which gives him a sense of purpose and meaning "We need you Santa!" and he rushes off to rescue Joe, Patch, Puce Pops and Christmas. Patch and Joe meanwhile gear up the Patchmobile to start their Christmas delivery of Puce Pops to all the putrid boys and girls of the world. Unbeknownst to them is the true nature of the candy which is of course stored in the back of the Patchmobile where the combustible engine is. Nice. Santa finally catches up with the rocket sled and pulls off the Super Duper Looper (I kid you not), a trick the reindeer have been trying but had never perfected yet, to catch Patch and Joe just as the Patchmobile explodes. Christmas is saved, B.Z. is floating off into space due to the fact that he ate 20 Puce Pops to elude the police, and the kids are taken in at the North Pole by Santa and Mrs. Claus because they are well, you know, just good kids and somewhat orphaned now. I guess. !
There is so much that I left out and I am sure that I didn't nuance it like it deserves but what joy I get when I see this film. Even with a plot point so hideous as the Puce Pop, it's charm still oozes through. It's not "The Christmas Story" or "Home Alone" but it does deserve its place on the list as the film to martyr itself at the alter of bringing Christmas into the present age so that the holiday films we enjoy today can be as mainstream as anything else and perfectly suitable to watch even in the middle of summer.
There is so much that I left out and I am sure that I didn't nuance it like it deserves but what joy I get when I see this film. Even with a plot point so hideous as the Puce Pop, it's charm still oozes through. It's not "The Christmas Story" or "Home Alone" but it does deserve its place on the list as the film to martyr itself at the alter of bringing Christmas into the present age so that the holiday films we enjoy today can be as mainstream as anything else and perfectly suitable to watch even in the middle of summer.
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