Wednesday, April 19, 2006

American Idol 04/19/06 - Even Pretty Boys Sing The Blues

Sorry, that was a little self-indulgent but it was a long time coming. I just gots to let my freak flag fly a little tonight kidlets...woo woo! Clang! Clang! Clang! Arrruuuugaaah! Arrruuuugaaah! Oh, Lordy I can rest now.
! Fauxmmercial
[song] "Kids in America". [idea] All different kinds of billboards and posters advertising each of the Idol contestants in a visual style that reflects their music and personalities, etc. Kind of like what I've been doing for the Skinny Tiedol each week [ahem!]...well, except without the mayonnaise jars, Rice-A-Roni boxes, and Ace Frehley homages, etc... All the posters look cool, they did a great job with this one; probably my favorite Ford ad all season. I like how Ace's billboard says "Greatest Hits"..HA!
Rod Stewart sings us a lullaby with "The Way You Look Tonight." I really had Rod pegged the wrong
way. This cat is cool. He is really really old but cool. I think the coolest part about him is that he is old and he knows it. Instead, just throw on a gaudy gold jacket, loosen the tie a little and you are jamming with today's youth. Yes, he is stuck in this
heady oldies phase right now but with a proposed 70's-tinged rock album in the works, I think that Rod may actually climb back from the has-been rung of hell that he is in right now to survive his Idol hosting experience and be back to play another day. Heck, I had this whole week pegged wrong. This turned out to be like, my favorite week ever!!!
Little Ryan Secrets compliments Rod on his faboo jacket by saying that it is neat how "the jacket matches the highlights." Ryan, that really sounds bad on so many levels. Of course he was talking about the highlights in Rod's hair. Something Ryan knows way too much about but it reminds me of some nasty old line I've heard drunk rednecks use on women at bars...only it didn't go quite. like. that....anyway....
Elimination Time
Where's Kellie?! Where's Kellie?! I can't find her, with her while she is wearing her Where's Waldo top, it's like she is wearing camouflage. Piiiiiiickler. Ryan announces to us that next week we will hear the kids sing the greatest love songs next week. Goooodie! And who better to guide them through this treacherous forest than Andrea Bocelli, he of the "...if I hear that Goddamn opera song one more time before the movie starts I'm gonna....!" fame. Enjoy! By the way, it appears that he is blind. No biggie, just...kind of noticing that.
We divide the Idols into two groups. The two groups this evening are:
.....Group 1....................Group 2
That leaves the Captain of the Soul Ship Enterprise, Taylor Hicks all by his lonesome on the comfy couches. Oh, don't worry. He is safer than your sister at Ryan's house. BUT, our pal Taylor has the dubious honor (like Bo Bice before him) to pick which group he wants to join....assuming of course he wants to stay on the show, he'll pick the group with the highest scores.
This splitting will only take place after the commercial break natch.
Okay, I like a little excitement in my Idol once in a while, the same way I like Wild Turkey in my Coke. But tonight was super crazy! Taylor walks over the the obvious grouping of Chris, Paris (who ruled the competition last night) and Ace....shakes Chris's hand and then walks over to Group #1 of Elliott, Kellie and Katherine. Whaaaaa!
Gasps erupt from the audience, breasts are heaving, there is one big unanimous "No he diduhn' from the front of the house...All the while Ryan is beginning to announce that Taylor picked incorrectly by first going to group #2. It is indeed group #1 that is safe tonight. Personally, I am shocked myself. Mind you, the possibilities are already starting to race through my head. Well, first my heart, then my goozler and then my head! Could Ace finally go?! I mean, the implications of Chris and Paris actually being in the bottom three are like...preposterous but still....this could be it! Dammit! I didn't buy a lottery ticket today either (the Florida jackpot is up to 80mil!)! At least this could be some solace.
Paris is sent back to the comfy couch which leaves only Chris and Ace (which I believe to be a big ol' publicity stunt on the Producers part...but they never play with numbers I'm sure). My eyes immediately dart over to Paula who looks all puffy and moist. She looks like a cat dipped in water about to fight! Tonight is a oxy-perco-darvocet kind of night for the Abdulalalala. Simon makes the call that it will be Ace leaving us tonight. Words could not be more comforting. We'll focus on why Chris was in the bottom three for the first time ever after such a great performance next week. But now....Ace is gone! Whooo Hoooo! I haven't felt this great since Brenda Gethers fell of the face of the Earth and got hit by a penicillin truck!
Wow! So many questions:

Will his brother now have to find a job? How soon will we see his poo-poo kitty face pop up on the O.C.? Will he learn his look was over years ago? How soon is now? What is the turnaround time for him to be in the audience mugging for the camera like his brother? If there is no one around and a sensitive emo type falls in the forest, does he still cry?

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