Monday, May 14, 2007

Impulse Buy! Sipahhh Straws Bananaaaa

Holy Cow! A straw that can flavor your milk? Personally, I am not one of those people that can haphazardly temp fate by changing up what nature has designed to come in only one flavor: bland and white. Like middle America!
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In fact, I don't typically keep milk in the house. If there's ever a cause for me to say, have a Mac n' Cheese emergency then maybe I'll run out and buy a quart but I personally like to eat my cereal dry. I think because it halfway convinces me that I am getting away with eating something "grainy" and fractionally healthy even though Reese's Peanut Butter Cereal hardly counts as either healthy nor cereal. My point is this: After I eat my cereal, nothing gives me the heebie-geebies like room temperature, slightly discolored, overly sweet milk ...and I hate wasting precious milk. I usually have tons of it left over and like some kind of culinary white guilt, I imagine some poor bovine and all she went through cultivating and carrying milk in her bulging udder. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Al Gore speaks of this kind of waste hidden somewhere as an Easter Egg on the "An Inconvenient Truth" DVD. The agony!
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Maybe it's the magic of the impulse buy or maybe I just looooove bananas (or at least the thought of banana flavored items) but check out my most recent purchase Walgreen's. It looks about as useful as a Lunchable and as practical as that already-mixed jar of peanut butter & jelly. I mean, who needs this niche? Did I mention that it's freakin' banana flavored?! I guess I do! Come with me now as I document trying this magical product.
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The Packaging: What can I say, I am haunted by the poor cow merrily riding the straw like a stripper pole, staring at me, accusing me of years of spilled milk. "My udders burn with anger!"
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The balance of colors on the box is appealing to me in a wholesome milk-friendly kind of way. I immediately wonder how they got the milk to "splash" like that before addding the cow to the artwork. This product is also kind of pricey, $2 for ten straws. A gamble when you can't clearly see what kind of straw you are actually getting. Is it paper, candy, or according to the advertising ...animated? Will the milk turn a golden pee color?
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The Straw: Upon closer inspection, it appears that the straw is both an actual straw fused with some sort of savvy filtration system and something that reminds me somewhat of an enema with little yellow pellets inside, sort of like a Contac cold capsule. I hope this tastes better than a laxative cold capsule. Little, yellow, different.
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The Mechanics: Taking my fist sip, there is a slight rustle of the beads infusing the milk with banana goodness. The beads act as a flavor difuser while actually staying inside the straw. Sort of like those cosmetic pellets that are so popular with the womens. My animalistic impulses kick in as I take a continuous breath making a game of moving all the little yellow pellets up the straw. Suck! Suck! Suck!

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The Taste: Sweet Jesus! The nano-technology is simply amazing! I wonder if this would work directly off the cow's teat. Overall, a surprisingly mild delicious banana flavor which reminds me of a fine banana pudding sans those nasty crumbs you usually find in a typical pudding of that sort, another pet peeve of mine. The beads dissolve just as I take my last puff. Worth the 2 shekels.
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1 comment:

Gashapon said...

Contac cold capsules! I loved those commercials as a kid! I don't think it was a good way to convince kids that medicine was not a toy. All I wanted in my stocking for Christmas was Contac!

Great sipahhh review...now can we somehow work the pr0n industry into this? If so, we'll be rich.