Papercut!

I'm not an advocate of supporting bigotry nor do I pretend to try to stifle others freedom of speech or thought, but a recent discovery at Publix by my good friend Gashapon got me wondering, "can shit like this really still exist in this day and age?!"
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I of course speak in regards to the recent discovery of the below Hallmark card: Let's dissect shall we?
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(front)

Just look at the beauty of this still life! You know, as a kid I used to get off on thumbing through my mom's Betty Crocker Cooking books. They served up a cornucopia of similarly washed-out food phantasmagoria. Plus 5 points! On the flip side, having studied typography and design for a little while, I am a little put off by the horrible font that Hallmark has decided to use here. It's the same one you typically find on their line of 3rd Grade graduation cards or those that feature that annoying old lady in curlers who always has a cup of coffee dangerously close to her sagging boobs who's always screeching bon motts like "If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Mondays"...HA! Minus 2 points. Adding to the annoya is their need to add random color to the empty space in all of the "closed" letters - it's like every first year designer's crutch. I've used it a million times!
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Now for the obviously creepy. It appears that this boy has invited his dad to a nice picnic of delicate fruits, champagne and crusty bread. We're playing right into their hands!

(inside)

Too queer? Maybe this card was lost in Hallmark's warehouse for decades since like, the Fifties, and is only now seeing the light of day. It could be that the term queer is a euphemism for "strange" or "of questionable nature." Upon first glance I was surprisingly pleased and elated to see something so shocking come out of a Hallmark card, I actually giggled. Then I imagined the the artist's cubicle where this piece of crap was designed festooned with NRA propaganda and every "W in '04" sticker that wouldn't fit on his (or her) breeder mobile.
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Sadly, I can imagine a million dad's actually getting a kick out of this card, for the wrong reasons. I can also imagine the instant karma brought on by the these same dad's one moment regaling in their proud homophobia, soon turning to doing anything but stopping short of trying to seduce their own son to see if he himself has homosexual tendencies for buying the card in the first place. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

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Sticks and stones and all that jazz but the fact that a card, no matter how aimless or unintentionally hurtful was green lit by the sentinels of smarm at the house of Snoopy and cheap-ass Christmas ornaments is just plain wrong, especially in this day and age of unapologetic Isiah Washington's and Super Bowl Snickers commercials . Even if you find this card ironically funny as I do, it really is a dangerous thing to have exist on shelves next to tampons and white bread. Of course I should tell you that Hallmark has recanted their decision to release the card and has stopped printing it but not (mind you) going as far as pulling it from stores. I bought all four copies that were left under the same impulses that fueled my youthful craving for Garbage Pail Kids and my grandma's kitschy Aunt Jemima plastic ware.
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Sigh...what's a boy to do? How about buying dad a gift certificate to Abercrombie & Fitch. There's nothing queer about that.