American Idol Recap 03/16/05 - There Ain't Enough Wood

There Ain't Enough Wood To Knock On

Did you all happen to catch the elimination round for American Idol? I did! Let me tell you about it!

The producers want you to remember that is it is the residue of 60's night because they use this alternating stage left/stage right lighting that makes each contestant look like they have two different expressions (fear and lime flavored fear). Apparently no one is seizure prone.

The late Mario creeps himself into the show as Seacrest teases us ever-so by telling us he has been asked why WHY WHY...........that the judges were so tough on the contestants. Why WHY WHY do we keep falling for such vaudevillian trickery. Does he do this on his radio show? Oh, it's canceled.

Seacrest scares us by telling us that next week they are taking a break from the normal business. Didn't we just start the normal business? And the kids will each perform a few songs that will be chosen for a relief album....or something. No wait, they each will sing three songs and then we will vote on one of them.....or the kids will perform eighteen songs and we will get to vote on three of them? Anyway, it was said really really fast and it had the number three in it.

On to business, the first of our group sing-a-longs. Don't forget that it was 60's night. To showcase the group sings a 60's peace song used in sit-ins during the late part of the decade. What was that exactly? Jessica Sierra starts us off seemingly out of tune, followed by Anwar Robinson who isn't really out of tune but just not in the same key as the others, I guess that is out of tune then. Exactly which person has the correct key? Mikalah Gordon joins in next but this time she is almost inaudible, the same for Anthony Federov. Clearly the guy at the mixing board is having fun. Oh and the animated corpse of Julia D'amato masquerading as Lindsey Cardinale is there too. They show some random girl singing...oh wait, it's Nadia!!! What's with the hair pulled back Nads?

Song is over thank goodness and we were spared the Brady style dance-a-long that usually goes with the singing. LOOK! It's Ruben in the audience...laughing I think. Ruben remains seated. C'mon velvet Teddy Bear, the kids need your support!

Commercial break - psyche!!! Don't run to the bathroom just yet, it's another first for this season - the anticipated Group Commercial! Yeaaaaah. Tonight we find the kids dancing at a club which turns out is really just a parking garage. It is the IN thing in L.A. right now. But there's trouble, Constantine Maroulisssss and T.A.C.o.J.D masquerading as Lindsey Cardinale are late to the illegal garage rave. Okay, where have they been? They knew when the party started. Never fear, they find the 4th level of the garage just in time.

We come back from break to get all serious with the kicking offing. The one-by-one method is still in tact this season. Constantine is up first, the Smoldering Idol comment is made in case you missed it and he is safe. Constantine has yellow teeth by the way. Some strange girl I've never seen is safe. I am told that it is Nadia Turner, drat! Nads fooled me again with the hair. Anthony Federov is safe although you'd suspect he might now be our first male casualty. T.A.C.o.J.D masquerading as Lindsey Cardinale is told that all of America turned their volume down simultaneously during her performance last night (I forgot to include that last night so I thought I would now) and she is the first of the bottom three. BoBice is safe. How could he not be, he basically won the Constantine/Bo challenge for last night. Scott Savol is next looking very gangsta tonight and apparently channeling Little Debbie as his eyes flutter and he looks skyward. Pig Boy is safe. Mikalah is next and it is apparent that there are two people left for the bottom three and only four more contestants to go. Shots of mom from the audience looked nervous. It is revealed that she will be joining the bottom three. Mom begins erasing Dr. 90210's beeper number from her cell. All that are left are Vonzall, Nikko and Jessica. GASP!!!

Commercial break I think.

Jessica Sierra is given the briefing along with Nikko and Vonzall. Jessica had it tough going first and everything. I still believe that if you go first early in the competition (without substantial fan base) you take the number of votes you would have had and divide by 1/3. The theory proves true as Jessica is told that she can't be trusted with a microphone. Just kidding. She joins the bottom three....

...But then bunjees back into the purple chairs as we were just kidding. Left holding the bag are T.A.C.o.J.D masquerading as Lindsey Cardinale and Mikalah Sue. Ryan tries out another one of his psyches and tells Mikalah that for her there is bad news...she will have to wait until after the commercial. Don't ya just love it? Mikalah begins to say the "F" word. Thank Mario for broadcast delay. Thank Mario for DVR!!!!
I didn't bother to watch the commercial.

America votes and Mikalah is safe (mom gets new hope!) and we extinguish another attempt for the Animated Corpse of Julia D'Amato to rise again. Producer was not quick on the draw as we see Mikalah's parents hugging with the screen showing "Lindsey's Family." Awwww, isn't that sweet, they are going to take Lindsey in! This year we are sticking with the torturous "sing the song that you made you lose" walk of shame. Not totally down for the count T.A.C.o.J.D masquerading as Lindsey Cardinale skips around the stage giving a thumbs up to her family (or was it her new family) and plops down into the front row giving hand shakes to the judges. Strangely, she doesn't really sing the song but sort of shout and talk it through. So I guess we have our first casualty. Lots of tears, flashback from the audition rounds. No more parties in seedy parking garages, no more themed sing-a-longs, no more getting to meet creepy guy guest judges....hey! Where's my promised creepy guy guest judge!!!!

See you all next week at the relief show!