American Idol 03/29/06 - Paula Looks Like A Tranny Tonight

Tonight calls for a plain kind of logo since tonight's contestant just really doesn't inspire me to be that creative I guess. Oh yeah, that and my computer and I are on the outs so all I had on this laptop was the original Skinny Tiedol logo. Oh, and sorry for the brutal title for tonight, I love Paula dearly...she makes the show and has a warm and gentle soul, kind of like an animated Pop Tart, but there was something disturbingly manly going on with her tonight. Someone get me a screenshot! Sigh...It's an early morning for me tomorrow folks so let's just deal.
!
As an added bonus for all of you Idol wannabe's, here's a glimpse into the secret life of an American Idol contestant: Photo shoot, rehearse, film comedy gold with this weeks Ford fakemmercial, oh...and shill whatever Fox wants you to like some mindless puppet! In case you haven't heard, or are missing 3 of the 5 senses, Ice Age 2 is hitting theaters soon! Part of the Idols' duty, if they are to eat this week or get their hair tussled, is to go see the damn thing and make like it is muy bueno. If we play our cards right, we might actually get to see the entire film before it is all said and done. In the style of those staged "audience response" ads you see for other films, the Idols give their opinion of the film. Mandisa liked Ellie the Mastadon because she "represents the big girls." That's Ellie, not Mandisa. Elliott liked Sid, who is also a furry little sloth creature and Paris liked Scrat because she too often scurries around to find nuts.
!
Fakemmercial
Without even taking a breath, we get this week's Ford ad sung to the tune of "Give A Little Love" done in a calypso style while filmed on what looks like the Sesame Street set. The kids encounter various people in the neighborhood, in the neighborhood, in the neiiighbooorhoood. Among them are a police woman, a grocer, a leather-clad biker and an ice cream vendor and his cart. The latter of which they knock over and then decide to distribute the sweet treats to all the parentless kids hanging out on the street. Such a mixed signal for today's youth, I was told never to take candy or ice cream treats from anyone with a beanie in their back pocket. Just for fun, Mandisa is dressed exactly like Fat Albert. I wish I was kidding. There are Ford Fusions illegally parked in the middle of the street. I suppose their safety ratings are high with side impact airbags, etc...so I guess that is cool. The police woman doesn't seem to mind much.
!
Just when you think the fun has been had tonight, POW! Shakira and Wyclef Jean are here to mutilate our senses with dope beats, def hooks and assssss shaking! I must tell you that I am not really big into today's Reggaeton/Hip-Hop/Belly Dancing scene but I know enough to know that Shakira and Wyclef are a step above the walking dead that they usually have as guest talent. Funny thing about their performance of "Hips Don't Lie," their hips may not lie, but their lips don't move either. The only time anyone's microphone was live was at the end for the shout out. Otherwise, I would imagine we would have heard Simon's "get out of my bloody face you silly goose" to Wyclef as he practically stuck the damn thing in his face. Hey! Is that Justin Guarini sitting next to Simon in the audience?
!
Sadly, during the commercial break I see the method behind the madness. Shakira is hocking Verizon Wireless downloads. Welcome to the great soul suck Shakira!
!
Eliminations
Now that we have only about 15 minutes left in the broadcast due to the fakemmercial, the belly dancer and Ice Age 2 spilling over into our stream of consciousness, we quickly eliminate the front row from consideration and move on to the back row where Elliott, Lisa, Ace, Katherine and Bucky are sitting. Elliott Yamin is safe. He puts his fingers in his ears as to not hear the bad news, if there were any. I think at first that he technically would really only have to put just one finger in his ear to make it work but that's what I get for remembering silly things about him. Lisa Tucker is again in the bottom three. Pay up! Her shirt is great by the way, it reminds me of an Eighties angel. Ace is soooo in the bottom three. Ha! Maybe you won't mock the rock next time buddy. As if we didn't have enough confusion in our life, we come down to Katherine McPhee and Bucky "Hyuck!" Covington to which I think "Come on! Just throw the goon into the bottom three! I have a logo made already!" Interestingly, the Producers play to our obvious obliviousness and it is Katherine who is in the bottom three! Let me tell you, once Katherine's name was uttered, it was like Armageddon up in the Idol studios. Much to everyone's dismay, Ace is safe. This left me feeling all confused inside. There were not as many people booing Ace being in the bottom three which made me feel good, but at the same time he is safe...again. So the obvious choice from last night proved true tonight as the weakest link. The child prodigy is going home, back to the O.C. to I am sure join the cast of some tremendous Broadway play like she has before. In her parting song (that we got maybe one minute of) Paris, who has been crying ever since Lisa made it into the bottom three, for some reason feels like taking center stage behind Lisa even though she looks like a slip n' slide.