American Idol 04/11/06 - We Will Slightly Rock You

Tonight is one of my favorite theme nights: The music of Queen. Songs about fat bottomed girls, references to Scaramouche! It is so wonderful in all of its spandex and sequin-booted freakishness. Yes, still geriatric and yes, still balladeers but at least in American Idol's favor we don't have plastic surgery going for us tonight. This is Queen growing old gracefully but they are still rocking it. I will forgive them for even trying to go on with their career after Freddie Mercury passed on but not so forgivable is the replacement of Freddie with Paul Rodgers. Still, Queen translates into FUN for everyone especially when the Idol kids are let loose with the bands entire catalog. So tie your mother down and get ready for the songs of Queen!
!
Bucky "Goober Peas" Covington just couldn't resist. He had to pick "Fat Bottom Girls" which just happens to be like the coolest Queen song ever but come on, who didn't snicker when they first heard this. The giggle factor is "fart" or "panties" level. I think Bucky is just past this stage...barely. Anyway, the song comes off sort of country in a nice way. Now that I think about it, it kind of already has a country sound to it anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if some opportunist country artists makes this into a minor hit down the road. Country music ballads about fat bottomed girls. No marketing needed, just add banjo. Genius! Oh, there is a girl wearing her bra on the outside of her shirt behind the judges, or at least it gives the appearance that she does. She is sitting next to Fantasia Barrino. Randy and Paula liked it, Simon thought it was mediocre. Bucky speaks and I feel that I need a Bucky translator. I think it was something about Freddie Mercury but God only knows. He has that Ennis Del Mar patois but without the homoerotic undertones. Well, except for the whole Queen thing.
!
Oh my God, Ace is wearing leather pants. It is so icky. Ace has now slithered his way into the worn out groove that Constantine used to occupy only less rock star and slightly less "needs a bath." Somehow (I'm sure there was whining involved), Ace gets "We Will Rock You," the anthem of all that is sporting and American, which might just change the way I look at this song.....forever! Ace singing this song I kind of equate to a kindergartener driving the school bus. It really seems like it should go someone more enjoyable to watch...or at least someone with a set of cajones for goodness sake!!!! Brian May hilariously shoots down Ace's great idea of changing up the song, and they leave it in the film clip! Ha! Oddly, Ace's version of this song doesn't have a lot of "singing" in it as much as "shouting" and tons of chorus, which sounds powerful because over half the audience has a boom mic lowered over them. Pitiful. Randy steps up to the tween firing line by giving his performance a 5 or 6...out of 100 I assume. Paula loses me but I catch the word "bastardized" in there. Simon calls it a complete and utter mess. Can't you just hear him say that? He says that he thinks Randy was just trying to be nice with his comments earlier and Randy even pipes up and says "Yeah, I was trying to be kind" Evidently picking the #1 rock song of all time won't necessarily get you in the Top 3.
!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mickey Dolenz! Could we be having a Monkees week next week?! One can only hope!
!
Kellie Pickler's convict dad used to listen to Queen when she was a little girl. Actually, he used to coke up and knock over 7-11's to "Radio Ga Ga!" I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I meant to say Piggly Wiggly! If ever there were a proper time for Kellie to say "What's a ballsy?" it would be right now when she tells us that she will be taking on the Rube Goldberg of all songs, the "Bohemian Rhapsody." This I gotta see. I LOVE Kellie's outfit! Black stiletto boots, black leather jacket straight from the 80's, ratted out hair, it's such a disaster that it works. It's like Joan Jett of the future if Joan were a biker slut! It's kind of sad that this country chick actually rocks out harder then Ace could ever dream. Also, the American Idol engineers are outdoing themselves tonight with the lighting and camera angles. They make Kellie like something right out of the "V" TV miniseries. On another note, I am starting to kinda believe the whole Kellie-is-fake thing. Either that or I no longer question demonic possession because when this girl gets anywhere near leather, songs about kinky stuff or is given free range with the eyeliner, she turns into this vixen...forget naughty little minx, we've graduated from there Simon. I particularly liked the part where she bent down and licked up imaginary milk from the floor like a kitty. Paula liked the outfit you can tell because even though she is giving compliments, she is staring. right. at. her. boots. Simon mentions Night of the Living Dead which, is there a day in my life that I don't hear about zombies or think about this damn movie? But I kinda get what he was saying now. He agrees with the rest of the judges that it is good.
!
"Innuendo" is a great song that was never performed live by Queen because Freddie died right after the album was released. I am a little amazed that Chris Daughtry picked this song over one of the more obvious Queen songs, almost everyone I have talked to was anxious about tonight's themed night because of the Chris factor. Brian May was warned about Chris from his daughter who thinks he is great! So do we and I am sure he will do fine! I would make fun of the fact that Chris is wearing makeup but eyeliner kind of plays nice with Chris and he should probably get used to it what with a promising career in nu-metal. Black is definitely the color of choice tonight. Chris is dressed like he and Kellie are about to go out and kick in some wimp's teeth. Hey everyone, Camryn Manheim is in the audience and she is looking at Chris as if he is an imaginary hot dog like in some Merry Melodies short...watch out Chris! Chris rocks the place out with his power vocals and light show. It is less annoying than on the Songs of the 20th Century show but still a little like licking a 9 volt battery. Given that this was not a song that a lot of people recognize, I think it was a great performance. I am a little worried that people will disconnect if they don't associate it with a beloved Queen song. Randy fakes us out with an anti-negative compliment. Paula is like Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris...pant pant. She tells him to look back at the package....wha!? Freudian slip Pauler? Simon is pissed that Chris picked "Innuendo" over a more classic Queen song and skipped having a "moment," even though Paula had one right there in front of millions of people. As always, Ryan gets happy greeting Chris after the performance....put on your drinking shoes!
!
I was a little excited when Katherine McPhee said she was going to sing "Don't Stop Me Now" from Shaun of the Dead (I know it is not from Shaun of the Dead but that is where I first heard it). I was so excited that I didn't even care if McPoo sang it because it is my favorite Queen song and is even on my "Songs for hitting Zombies" playlist on my iPod. Still, she chickened out and turned to yet another movie theme (this one from Highlander) "Who Wants to Live Forever." Once again the lighting technicians show that they have been reading Stage 101. Katherine is illuminated from above in shadow, then she raises her arms slowly like a bird. A vulture I think. Once the lights come up it is revealed that she is wearing an almost exact replica of the blouse (minus skirt) that Melanie Griffith (who is craaazy) wore in Working Girl. You're fired! The song is short and bored me to DEATH even though she had a few good notes and all but PASS! Randy gave her an okay critique. Paula backs Katherine's decision to change songs. Even though I guess she knows how freakin' awesome "Don't Stop Me Now" is. Simon tries to give her compliments but she is so "yes I know, I know" all the time that it gives me tummy troubles.
!
Elliott Yamin's hair is starting to look better, I think there was a hit and run gelling over the weekend. "Somebody to Love" is such an amazing song. I would be so excited for Elliott except this should have been Chris's song...or Chicken Little's! The last note of this song is what makes the song work but he just didn't hit it, not because he couldn't, but just because he...couldn't. I mean, Elliott doesn't work in that key so he did his own little do wop at the end. The rest of the song was great, just a little flat at the end. Overall a really great interpretation of one of Queen's greatest songs. All three judges give him high marks only further pushing Ace to the bottom of the Queen barrel. "I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me - He's just a poor boy from a poor family - Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"
!
Taylor Hicks is such a cheerleader. We see it every week, the constant cheering, the sudden spasms..."We Are The Champions" would have been the perfect song for him to sing. For some reason though, Taylor switches songs midstream for the song most mistaken for an Elvis dittie, "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." I think he made a BIG mistake. First of all, even Taylor can't jerk like Taylor this week. He misses kicking the mic stand the first time but is persistent to an almosembarrassingng level by kicking it until it finally falls. He then does the side step thing down the stairs. I am starting to think he switched over to this song just so he could run do his Steve Martin impersonation again. "We Are The Champions" just doesn't give you the opportunity to move. Randy thinks that Taylor is back. But really, is Taylor about the moves or the music? See, I thought it was both but because the vocals were not that good this time, I am thinking the judges just care about the moves. Simon thought it was ridiculous. I'm thinking Taylor just bought a ticket to the bottom three this week. At least in my house.
!
For "The Show Must Go On," Paris Bennett got herself a little extra weave and is putting it to good use. She is really enjoying shaking it Tina Turner style up there. She also stole Kellie's stiletto boots just for this performance. So Paris has totally gone over the deep end with her costuming theatrics. I half expected her to have a Freddie Mercury-style cape and septor but instead she gives us a glimpse of what Rhonetta Johnson would look like if she finally made it to the Top 12. I can't fault her performance much as it wasn't bad. I can however fault her for sounding like squeaky little Cadet Hooks from Police Academy.
!
Overall, the songs of Queen was my favorite American Idol night ever. They need more nights like these with a great group that has great songs. And they rock! I suspect we will see Ace, Katherine and Bucky (should be Taylor) in the fat bottomed three this week.