American Idol 04/25/06 - Love Songs Say So Much

So we are halfway through the competition....what?! ..Only halfway through? This thing has been consuming my life (read: free time) since like, forever!!! And now you tell me that it is only half over?! There are apparently two phone numbers you can call now for each contestant. Presumably for the gargantuan number of Bologna eaters and cat ladies who are forced to vote for someone else now that Bucky and Ace are nothing but memories. Like a regurgitated burp from an all-night buffet binge at your class reunion. Stevie Scott is in the audience looking more vapid and stalker-ish than ever. She gets absolutely no mention on the TV screen however. Classic.
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Tonight's theme is Love Songs. Less scary than I thought is the involvement of the perpetually sleepy looking Andrea Bocelli where he is hanging at the L'Ermitage Beverly Hills singing "Oprey" with producer David Foster. These meet and greets crack me up. They always walk into the room catching the Guest Host "right in the middle" of their rehearsal performance. Ummm, couldn't you have just put a "rehearsal in progress" sign on the door? Memo to everyone: David Foster is a jerk! Actually, they try to pass him off as regimented and brilliant, but to me he comes off as warm and pleasant as cat's balloon knot.
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Katherine McPhee
Kat will be singing "I Have Nothing" by crack maven Whitney Houston (it's scandalous because it's true!). Oh, and also, it's written by David Foster...Coincidence? There is this moment when I think they are playing a joke on me as the camera turns to Katherine just after they video segment. Kat is squeezed into this banana peel with her hair volumaxed down around her shoulders ... she looks like Mariah Carey's alter-ego Mimi. The performance is alright other than her hoo hoo making a guest appearance. Oh no she didn't!!! Yes, mortified as I was, I couldn't stop looking. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw the fabric rip but I didn't have the common sense to look away. Now for eternity I have the image of her McMuffin burned into my mind. Fearless!!! Randy thought taking on Whitney was too big for her. But Randy, didn't you see the close-up shot of a teary-eyed McPhather? That ploy worked last week! Sadly, Paula finally gave Katherine a real earnest critique but no one could hear her as her mic was apparently fastened to her navel. Simon says it best when he says that singing Whitney only proves that you tried to sing Whitney but couldn't do any better. He doesn't get booed. Ryan Secrets mentions that those who didn't have their volume on will still call in with plenty of votes. That's odd, how many ways can I read into that?
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Elliott Yamin
"A Song For You" by Donny Hathaway....who? Oh, that Donny Hathaway. Yeaaaah, um...I can't say much more about the music of Donny Hathaway now after I have heard it than I could before but I hope Elliott will get some much needed respect for choosing something crazy like this. I am officially a Yaminian. Hail Yaminia, long live the furry little gnome people and their leader! Randy was as bored but still amazed as I was, Elliott was able to move Paula who, having a Restasis-free moment, admitted to watching home movies of all the contestants from back when they started the competition over the weekend. Hello! Mood suppressants...stat!!!!!
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Kellie Pickler
"Unchained Melody" [groan] by the Righteous Brothers as country fried by LeAnn Rimes...of course. Kellie is having a bad week appearance wise. Totally Wal-Mart end cap special. I hate hate HATE the poodle flip in the front of her noggin. And let's talk about the vocals a little bit. Nasty. When she went to hit the high note at the end of the song, the one we were all waiting for because Der Fuhrer David Foster made her practice it so much, she ended up yodeling it. Kellie isn't the only going south this time around, the critiques were just below the Mason Dixon line as well and Simon's speech is hilariously abbreviated by the theme music.
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Paris Bennett
"Memories" from Barbara Streisand if you can believe it. I have all kinds of The Nanny flashbacks going on here except that I've never quite heard it like this. Paris does something with gusts of extra air that made the edges of some of the words really soft. At times it is almost like she is sucking the words back into her mouth after dangling them out there like a spaghetti noodle. I love the look tonight though. I was ready for Paris to be dressed up as either a bride or cupid however since this is Paris and this is Love Songs theme night, but nicely done. Randy doesn't really give her too much comfort on this one. Did someone have an intervention with Paula about her critiques? I've never heard her give three bad critiques in a row.
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Taylor Hicks
Even with his eyes closed, Andrea Bocelli can tell that Taylor is a crazy person. Taylor's look is coming back full circle minus the monkey suit he has been thrust into. Why don't they just let him dress in dockers and a plain button front shirt like he is used to? He looses a little bit of magic when he looks fancy. "Just Once" is but one of many slow and frustrating songs that Taylor has chosen to sing lately. It takes a loooong time to get to the actual "Taylor" part and then it is over. Again Taylor gets a bad review from Randy but a mixed review from Paula who takes it a step further by getting up from her chair to coax viewers at home into voting for Soul Patrol by showing off the piece of Kleenex tissue that is her top this evening.
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Chris Daughtry
"Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman." In the promo video, Chris learns a new way to sing...laying down. Which must have caused Paula to twirl in her chair like she was rockin' a Sit N Spin, but the cameras weren't on her so I can only assume. I thought maybe Chris would be naive enough to actually use this technique tonight on stage but no. Chris maximizes off-camera talent by having to Flamenco-style guitarists flanking him on either side while he improves this Bryan Adams ditty. Gone tonight are the wallet chains and wet looking t-shirts. Instead he is wearing a nice pin-stripe suit which looks pretty damn amazing on him. Chris again shows that he can wow 'em even while singing a crappy ballad from a crappy movie.