American Idol 04/26/06 - Why Didn't Y'all Pick Me?

Okay, I need to make this quick as I'm leavin' on a jet plane to Los Angeles tomorrow morning to go stalk Ryan Secrets. Or kick his butt, or tease him and pull his hair. Unfortunately, I'm not overly familiar with the area and my limited pocket change could hardly keep me up to speed with Ryan and the various leather bars and hair boutiques that I must scurry through looking for him.
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Paula's like a virgin tonight. It's kinda sassy, kinda silly, black at least was a good choice. From the "Like A Prayer" days. Hey! Did I mention that I'll be seeing Madge this weekend?! It's scary 'cause it's true.
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Fauxmmercial
"Call Me" has to be the cutest damn thing since Christmas Coke commercials. I looove me some Santa trucks are comin'! Tonight is especially exciting for me as it features the cutest little ugly dog just like my Olive. Truly some boyfriend potential here. This little French Bulldog has escaped from the Idols SUV and the owners are on the hunt. Joint owners? A babysitting job gone awry? Anyway, they finally find the little guy curled up next to a box that contains a lady friend (not Olive...and mind you, she's a little pissed) and their pups. CUUUUUTE!!!! My favorite Ford Fauxmmercial so far. Otherwise, way too much Katherine vocal in the song.
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Awww snap! I forgot we have to stare at Andrea Bocelli and his creepy Robert Langdon hair and gross Kenny Loggins face scruff. David Foster defends himself by saying that he wasn't hard on the kids, it's just that if they are in his studio, they have to be good! Gee, that clears things up. Gosh, sorry for figuring you for the overbearing Ike Turner type. Oh, and way to dress up for the show David. Jeans and an untucked tee are really hot right now.
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Hey! Lisa Tucker is in the audience....and she is mic'd. She also gets a shout out from Ryan saying "Lisa Tucker is in the audience," just like I said it a second ago. Wait for it ... wait for it ...."Hey Lisa, you are going to be on the O.C. right?" Really?!.. I might just have to watch. Oh, you actually...live in the O.C. don't you? That's really a stretch for you then isn't it. Oh, did I mention that I will be in the O.C. tomorrow? Oh,...see? ...O.C.? ....."!?!"
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The Elimination
Tonight there are three groups of two: keepin' it fresh y'all!
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el groupo uno: Katherine and Chris
el groupo dos: Elliott and Taylor
el groupo tres: Kellie and Paris
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"What's a sayonara?"
I'm not sure what a week without Kellie is going to be like, but I'm willing to risk it! Ha! I guess nobody decided to pick Pickler this week. Expect revenue at the Albermarle Sonic to pick up soon. Also, expect her dad to still be in jail and her paw paw to order her to get him a sammich. "Ya ain't too big for yer britches not to be gettin' me a sammich Missy!" Kellie talks our damn ear off at the end of the show, sparing us having to hear her sing that horrible rendition of "Unchained Melody" once more.
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I'm outtie kidlets! Keep an eye out for yours truly on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Monday, May 1st. No, I am not the handsome leading man Guest, nor am I the witty satirist. I'll be there up front at the beginning of the show glad-handing it with Jay and seven of my pals! DVR it and keep playing it over and over again until you stretch my 15 minutes of fame into about a half our...or twenty minutes. Whatever you can spare.