Life on Television is not without its attractive hazards but it's rarely worth thinking of as a parallel to our own lives or a life worth living. Thigh Masters don't do anything but make the user appear to be a one person off-Broadway sex act, The As Seen On TV Eggwave leaves you with nothing but egg waste and regret and the Personal Touch hair trimmer...well, there's a reason there isn't one in every household in America yet.
But I can't help but become fascinated with the deliberateness of all the glad handing that goes on in a typical afternoon while watching the tube. Bayer, Motrin, Aleve, Monistat 7, Eggo's! They are all passed from one significant "other" to the next by way of prissy two and three fingered...fingering. I guess that butter just wouldn't be as good if they just threw the crap on the table and let it sing for itself. Heavy, fattening and yellow just jiggling under its own weight. Instead it has to be given that right amount of respect and hand patting on TV with hands carefully rotating the name brand logo just so before giving it to the next party.
Just imagine what life would be like if we all were so careful in passing objects to each other. I mean, if we weren't even thinking of making an effort and that's just the way it was. Think about getting stabbed or mugged! The eloquence of it all as the knife is taken out of your assailants pants pocket and carefully thumbed until the proper positioning is made. Marvel at the shiny blade as it comes toward you with such grace!
I know some twit spent years training and developing hand models to help sell the wonders of modern science in a box, but if only the tradition would evolve to include more utilitarian things such as meat, jelly and pudding! I would like imagining that quite a lot!