American Idol Hollywood III - The Final Battle

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Boys and Girls of All Ages!

(Thanks to the great Gashapon for the inspiration on tonight's Skinny Tiedol logo)

The TOP 24!

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We have moved from the glamorous Orpheum theater in Downtown Los Angeles to the slightly more bourgeois Pasadena Civic Center for the final Hollywood elimination round. 20 people are going home tonight only leaving us with 12 guys & 12 girls. Wait a second. There were 45 people that made it through on last night's show. I may be bad at mathematics but I'm thinking nothin' ain't wrong but somethin' ain't right!
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If you are new at this, the final elimination round to get to the top 24 requires no talent except for the ability to press the "up" button on the elevator. These contestants already were in the hot seat last night when they performed acapella in front of the judges one last time. Now it is all a waiting game. And might I add, probably worse than jury duty. Did you see the holding area? Gross! It looks like the basement of some Civic Center (yes, I am aware it is a civic center) with horrible ugly gold convention chairs, the kind with the naugahyde seats! With all the mini skirts in there, I bet there were some pretty hilarious skin farts!

Once inside the elevator, they contestants travel up to the fourth floor where the judges sit at the end of a ridiculously long room for no apparent reason. Actually, the elevator doesn't go anywhere because the Pasadena Civic Center only has one floor! Ha! Wouldn't it be great if it were true! Once in front of the judges, it is either a "yes" or a "no."

The first few are pretty cut and dried. And speaking of dry, there isn't a lot of meat to these little chat sessions so I thought I would spice everything up with a little "My spirit has been broken!" for all of the "No's" and a "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" for the "Yes's". If no one has been reading my blog so far this season, I'm about to feel really stupid I think:

Jessica Santos - "My spirit has been broken!"

Bobby Bullard - "My spirit has been broken!"

Brooke Barrettsmith - "My spirit has been broken!" (shock! She was in the previously leaked Top 24 list!)

Nick Whitten - "My spirit has been brokeded!" (poor guy after all that drama last night with the boy/girl group)

Stephanie White - "My spirit has been broken!"

Crystal Stark - "My spirit has been broken!"

Bobby Dillard - "My spirit has been broken!"

Finally, our first "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" comes in the form of Katherine McPhee - who kind of fills in for the Brittenum Sisters for a bit while she barks at Ryan Secrets about how unfair it was that Crystal didn't make it. Buuuuut, she kind of isn't mad enough to bring it up when she is told that she makes it through. How could she anyway, she is busy kissing all of the judges. Even Simon!! I'm not sure about you but Simon is a little more "friendly" with the kids this year, eh?! And these are all on-the-mouth kisses too. She thinks Randy tastes like ham.
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Ace Young - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Anyone notice that they dropped his first name "Brett" from the auditions? Hmmm, it looks like egos are set on full speed ahead! Once you get the Producers to officially go with just your Idol nickname there's not turning back. Still can't get past the urge to beat him senseless you know? Not that I condone violence but man, every time a frat boy bites it, a nerd gets his wings. Paula is fanning herself. Please Paula, pleeeease.

Antonio Bridges - "My spirit has been broken!"

Eugenia Littlejohn - "My spirit has been broken!"

Robert Bennett - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

Mandisa Hundley - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" The divine Miss M does some deep dishing it out honey! Getting back at Simon for well, basically calling her France, she lets him know that by no means did his words not go unnoticed (how exactly though I still don't know since all of this was aired for the first time within the past few weeks). Instead of unleashing her wrath, he instead throws some Jesus on the hi-fi. "If Jesus could die so that all my wrongs could be forgiven then I could certainly extend that same grace to you." Who knew the french were so forgiving... and centered!

Melissa McGhee - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

Mark Adam Locklear - "My spirit has been broken!"

Lisa Tucker - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

David Radford - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" (but why?) Can anyone tell me how this fake crooner is cutting the mustard?! David, all that this can lead to is you selling your crap CD at Hallmark on Valentine's Day hoping to squeeze the last remaining buck you can out of this fad before it's drained dry like Ramen Noodles! (Oriental is the best flavor!)

Sway Penala - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken 'cause I already have a contract that should and may void my being able to participate in American Idol 5!"

Elliott Yamin - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

Brenna Gethers - sadly "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Hey! raise your hand if you like her... anyone? Seriously... anyone? ....

Marcy Smith - "My spirit has been broken!"

Nicole Ortiz - "My spirit has been broken!"

David Avarim - "My spirit has been broken!"

William McCoy - "My spirit has been broken!"

Breanna Taylor - "My spirit has been broken!"

Gedeon McKinney - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

Stephanie Scott - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" This girl had on, first of all, white slacks (and this was filmed after September 5) and a blouse that reminded me of a melting popsicle.

Ayla Brown - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" I bet her mom is going to have one heck of a morning show tomorrow morning. Oh, and I'm thinking that she can officially kiss that scholarship goodbye.

Chris Daughtry - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Chris broke the damn elevator with his rockingness! Too funny. Actually, he picked a restricted floor and had to get the security guy to override the elevator with his key code.

Rebecca O'Donohue - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" She screams when she finds out and somewhere, telepathically, her twin cyst sister clutches her throat in agony. Daaaamn youuu Beckyyyy!!!

Heather Cox - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

April Walsh - "My spirit has been broken!" poor wrong-way going escalator girl

Bucky Covington - What the hell? "Y'all may call me the next Kid Rooooock!"

Patrick Hall - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Did you all doubt me for a moment? By the way, I love his comment about deserving American Idol and "not being as pretty as Ace but then again, who is." Can I just tell you that there is something in the water in Gravette!

Chicken Little - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Hell yes! This was probably the best reveal of the evening with his parents holding hands waiting for him to come back down. Honestly, if it weren't for my loyalties to Patrick, this kid would be my favorite if for nothing else because he is so sweet! I loved it when he said that Kevin is the type of guy who would want everyone to win. Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Paris Bennett - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Oh my God, she surprises herself by noticing the camera in the elevator. Eeeek! There's a camry in the elevator!

Whooooo boy! Man, even the Idol people can't stand the Brittenum's! In a move that seemed obvious but unusual for Idol, they actually focused on the negative and ran an interstitial on the fact that the Brittenum Bros. are now in legal trouble. All this right after the best saved clip of them telling the cameras back in Hollywood that they have been on their best behavior and have displayed what it takes to be a true American Idol! The irony is too rich!

Kellie Pickler - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" Sonic girl gets an extra special thumbs up from Paula, one so disturbing I had to watch it again - and again. Paula says "You made it through" in this eerie "Go towards the light Carol Ann!" type way. Kellie then fools Ryan by telling him that she's going home but quickly says "...When America votes me off" or something spectacularly idiotic. Then she hugs him. Secrets looks shocked because 1) his sheet already had the "yes" and "no" people on it and he can't go off-cue card and 2) he doesn't like hugging girls all that much.

Taylor Hicks - "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!" As he gets off the elevator to see the judges, Taylor does this really great harmonica number (good enough for it being harmonica). The only thing that would have punctuated that musical sentence better would have been a whoopie cushion in his chair.

The last two spots available are now going to be filled with one boy and girl, but there are four left! How did that happen?!

Kinnik Sky and Megan Bobo (seriously, those are their names. I know. I paused my DVR) - Kinnik gets the "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

William Makar and Syd Harcourt - William always makes the worst faces, this one is no exception. He's given the "Y'all may call me the next Clay Aiiiiiiiken!"

I almost forgot about the dance shots they do of the top 24 contestants at the end of the show. It's almost enough to put you off of ever wanting to make it that far! God, it's so awful!!! The girls are bad but the guys are even worse! I mean, come on! Chicken Little dancing? and poor Taylor looks like he is having a seizure!

Next week we start narrowing our 24 down to one blonde and one brunette!